We Must All Face The Choice Between What is Right, And What is Easy...

This post was originally posted on Mental Health Monday, and I have decided as a means of getting word out about MHM, that I would post this on my personal beauty blog, for everyone to see. I don't condone my actions, in retrospect, but I do believe there is a lesson to be learned.


Do you really know me? If you saw me on the street would you know that I used to starve myself on purpose? Would you be able to tell? I bet you wouldn't. I wouldn't be on for advertising the fact. But its the truth.

People in my life, all of whom know me pretty well, will know that I am a big fan of my food. As a kid, I was the only person I knew, of my age, who would willingly eat a salad. My mother has even told me the stories of when I was maybe four, sitting on her knee in a cafe with her friend, helping her eat a giant plate of salad. We used to share salads when we went shopping, I remember them vividly. One plate, two sets of forks.

I don't know how or when I started skipping meals, but it certainly wasn't to be thin. I only say this because it will aid me getting my point across: I have been stick-thin since my puppy fat dropped off, around the age of 3 or 4. My family found it an unmitigated nightmare to get me clothes that fit. Being tall and thin as a child helps nobody, especially when the clothes are sold by age, rather than size!

I have never skipped a meal to aid in weight-loss, that much is true. I did so because I thought I deserved to be punished for the bad things I did, the bad person I was. If I had a fight with my boyfriend, I wouldn't eat til maybe, dinner the next day to punish myself for "being a shit person", as I rationalized it.

I hated myself for being weak (and to me being weak was my anxiety, my panic attacks, my constant battles with depression), for making people miserable, and so, I would deliberately skip meals to atone. I have lied to everyone at some point, maybe even you, the person reading this. "Yes, I had breakfast!" was the most common lie. Breakfast is the most important meal, so the old adage goes, but to me, it was the meal that I would deliberately skip, because it was easy to. When lunch came around, it was again, very easy to be really busy until the hunger went away.

At the worst of my self-inflicted punishment, I was working off maybe one slice of toast for a whole day, plus coffee or tea and my anti-depressant medication.

I ate alone, or I didn't eat at all. There was no middle ground. My family are well used to me disappearing with a plate of something to my room. It's never questioned. I can't abide eating with people, though. I make an exception when I'm out with people, but generally, if you pay attention, you may notice (at shoots, for example) that I will eat my lunch before everyone else, and then wander off to do something while everyone else is laying into their food.

In my head at the time, starving was the only way I could be punished for being the awful person that I felt I was. If I made someone feel bad, I would make myself feel ten times worse to, as I saw it, even things out.

Passing out in my back yard was the last straw, or the second to last, as you'll understand in a moment. I gave my mother the fright of her life, after I skipped two days worth of meals, on the third I got up to make something, because I felt ill and that was a warning sign, only to feel dizzy and go out for air. I don't remember anything after that until I was being rushed to the GP for an emergency appointment. It was brushed off as a drop in blood sugars. I had to have my blood pressure monitored every day for a week but nothing more. I went home and had a salad.

The next time I passed out, I did it in the kitchen, after another "punishment" session. I remember eating soup, sitting on my kitchen floor, when I came around. I think my mother was less fazed by the second collapse than the first because I wasn't hauled off to the GP, this time around. But two faints were enough to tell me to get my shit together. Mam was scared the first time. I was scared the second time. 

Its only been in the past few months I've been eating properly again. It's been oddly tough, and I do slip into old ways on occasion, but mostly its been a conscious effort on my part. I still eat irregularly, but the irregularity is usually based off genuinely not feeling hungry at that moment. As someone who lied about food, day in, day out, I can admit right here that I was good at looking like I was eating, but when I was alone, I was doing everything possible to avoid food. These days, I make a mission of having food. If I do skip breakfast, I will pointedly eat a big lunch, and I love a good dinner now. Chris and I talk about this from time to time and he will usually be the voice of reason, my conscience on the outside.

To this day, I don't believe I have, or have had an eating disorder, though, I'm sure there are plenty who would disagree because I always try to eat alone. People may not even believe me when they read this as they may have seen me hoovering down a bowl of pasta, or chomping down a wrap. 

I still eat alone.

Let me know if you have had any similar experiences, and if you have, have you overcome them? If you are struggling, I am here to talk to you.

All my love,
Amy
xo

Whats In My Make-Up Bag?

We all have our essentials, girls! Most of our contents will be similar, but I know some of my lovely readers are nosey, so this is for my nosey girls!

Enjoy!

The Bag Itself:

I got this make-up bag in Penney's, for €4.00. It're pretty sizeable, fitting all my bits and bobs perfectly.

While I'm home, I don't keep everything in it, but when I go to Dundalk or anywhere else, it's got all my stuff in it.

I do, however, keep all my brushes in another smaller make-up bag. I want them to be protected and safe from harm.

How motherly of me!

Facial Products:

BB Cream, Moisturiser and at the moment, a primer all get toted around. My BB Cream is Maybelline Dream Pure in Medium.

I'm trialling the Rimmel Fix and Perfect Pro Primer, right now, in a bid to shake my hatred for Rimmel face products.

I swear by my Skin Wisdom moisturiser for sensitive skin! It sinks in quickly, is non greasy and leaves my skin feeling like velvet!!

Foundation&Concealer:

Usually, I bring whatever foundation and concealer I'm loving at the time in my make-up bag. I'm a fickle creature, and so that changes frequently. I'm currently loving my Maybelline Super Stay 24hr Foundation and Concealer.

Other times, I will bring my Barbara Daly oil free foundation, or my 17 BB Cream.


Powder and Blush:

I adore my Natural Collection Pressed Powder and Blush. These two gems are super soft, pigmented and fragrance free. Although they come in 3 shades each, they seem to be able to adapt to everybodys skin tone. Both can be found in any Boots, and retail for €3.09 a pop. Bargain, much?!

I must admit though, to all my ebony-skinned ladies out there, they have yet to offer base products in your beautiful shades yet!

Eye-Liners:

I am beyond fickle in the search for a good eyeliner. I literally carry my top 3 at the time everywhere I go. At this moment, its a 3-way tie between my Loreal Superliner, my ELF Liquid liner and my Bourjois Kohl pencil.

Contour:

I use the biggest bronzer in the world to contour under my cheek bones. It's an Essence Sun Club for Blondes, and light skin.

With a light hand, and a small, tapered Eco Tools brush, I use it to contour just under my cheekbones, and lately, down my nose, ever-so lightly!

My highlighter is Physicians Formula Translucent Pearls. This works for all skin types as it just adds a sheen to your natural skin tone, or over your foundation.

Mascara:

Yet another mention for my The Rocket mascara!! I adore this offering from Maybelline, and I would be lost without it!

My lash curlers are just a bog standard Infinity set, from any good chemist!

If anyone has tried the waterproof version of this mascara, please let me know what you thought of it, in the comments.



Lip Care:

I go nowhere without my Lush Lip Scrub and my Carmex. Who knows when a dry, bitty lip is going to strike?!

The lip scrub leaves your lips feeling tingly, and then slathering the Carmex over the top adds to the tingle, healing your lips beautifully, leaving them ready for colour.




Lip Colour:

I wouldn't be Red Lips, Red Hair without a red lip, now would I? I generally opt for my Maybelline Super Stay 24hr Lip Color in Red Passion when I'm going to Dundalk, since Chris likes it because it doesn't transfer onto him when I kiss him.

I do, however bring another red-lip product in case I fancy a change (ELF Matte Lip Crayon is my second in command at the moment), and often, I'll bring something muted in case we have to go anywhere that a red lip wouldn't be appropriate.

Whats in your make-up bag?? You should do a post, and tweet me, so I can be nosey in turn!! :P

Love and stuff,
Amy
xx

Maybelline Super-Stay 24hr Foundation and Concealer First Impression

Having been seriously impressed by the Maybelline Super-Stay 24hr Lip Colour, I decided yesterday to splurge on the Super-Stay 24hr Foundation and Concealer, to trial and review for you guys!

I am going to wear it everyday for a week, and write a small bit on how I find it. Today is Friday, and I'm going to apply it now, and see how it goes on.

First, I'll just relay what it says on the foundation bottle.

"Micro-Flex Formula. Flawless Wear Foundation. Non Transfer, Day & Night 
Shade: 005 Light Beige (This seems to be the lightest shade) SPF:19 For All Skin Types"


Foundation First Impression:
When you pump this out of the bottle, it's pretty liquid, and runny. However, when you apply it on your face (I used a Real Techniques Stippling Brush and blended it with a Beauty Blender type of sponge) it's medium coverage, kind of sheer, which I like. It seems to have a yellow undertone, but it mellows out with a neutral setting powder. It doesn't feel heavy, and it hasn't immediately settled into my pores. So far, so good.

Concealer First Impression:
I used this concealer last night to touch up my face before I went out, and I was immediately impressed. I was very happy to apply this with its matching foundation today.

The wand is not a traditional doe-foot, rather, a rounded bullet-tip.
The consistency is very thick, medium/full coverage, which is great for my dark circles and blemishes.

This foundation seems to be a pretty good offering, so far! I will post a full review in a week or so!

Keep your eye out for the full, detailed post, this day next week! :D

Le Grá,
Amy
xoxo

Maybelline Super Stay 24hr Lip Colour Review

Hey All, sorry for my absence, I've been beyond busy this last week!! Today I have a quick review of the Maybelline New York Super-Stay 24hr Lip Colour!!

The applicator is slim and easy to use! 

Maybelline are promising a lot when they offer 24hr color that wont move off your lips... Or, at least, that was what I thought when I saw it. I asked Kayliegh (knowing she had used it) was it as good as they made it out to be, and she confirmed that it was everything it promised to be, and more!

When I swatched this on my hand in Boots, I thought to myself that it would never be what it was hyped up as. I was so wrong!!! After I swatched it, I wandered around for a few hours, forgetting about it. I washed my hands multiple times, and I actually had to scrub it to get it off that evening. Color me impressed. 

The wax/balm sealant is moisturizing and glossy

This lipstick comes in two parts, a lip color and a wax sealant. First you apply the color and then wait for it to dry. The drying bit takes no time at all, in fact, by the time your top lip is coated, and you finish the bottom lip, your top lip is dry! After that you slick on the wax sealant for a moisturising, glossy pout!

I am now the proud owner of this glorious lipstick, and I am so pleased with its lasting power, wearability and the sheer comfort of it!! I would nearly consider this my holy grail lipstick. 

Maybelline Super Stay 24hr Lip Color retails in Boots for just shy of €15...

What do you think? Would you be on for trying this out? Do you think it's too good to be true?? Or have you tried it and can testify to its lasting power? 

Kisses,
Amy
xo

Making the Leap!!

As some of you may, or may not know, I've decided to make the leap into YouTube. Now, I'm not able to edit just yet, or do anything fancy, but I'm still putting myself out there and I will learn as I go along.

I won't be doing tutorials, because there are people out there VASTLY more qualified than I, so...I'll just leave it to them.

What I will be doing is uploading reviews and favorites and the like....

Here's my June/July "Things I'm Loving" Video!

A Fun Little Project

A few weeks back, I asked in a Facebook group would anyone like to be a part of a make-up swap, because I was DYING to get my hands on the Covergirl Outlast Stay Fabulous foundation, and the first person to reply was the lovely Kayleigh, from Florida, in the US! I was delighted, this silly idea of mine was going to come to fruition, how cool!!

 So, after a few back and forth messages on Facebook, we figured out what the other liked, and set about shopping for each others tastes! I got Kayliegh some Natural Collection stuff, Essence, Catrice and I think even some Barry M and a few random bits I cant remember now.

I parceled them up, wrapped stuff in bubble-wrap, and sent it off last Tuesday. Today, and yesterday (?) the swaps arrived in each others possession, and then came the fun bit, seeing what was inside. That's where I'm going to leave this blog, and let me abysmal video skills take over!

I had so much fun doing this, and I am so happy with all my surprises! Kayleigh is uploading her unboxing later today, and when its up, I'll link it here too! I will of course, post a haul if anyone wants to see the products in more detail, so just let me know!

LOVE!!
Amy
xx

A Cheeky Haul!!

When you're week was as bad as mine, and someone asks you are you on for shopping, you jump at the chance to go and have retail therapy!

That's what happened to me, on Thursday evening when the lovely Kayliegh, of Kayliegh Land texted me and asked me was I on for shopping on Friday afternoon. I may as well be honest here, I had failed my practical driving test just hours before this, so I leapt at the chance to get out of my disappointed funk. Shopping always makes me feel better. Sure, who doesn't feel better after an afternoon of serious shopping and money spending?!

Overview...

Brush Review - Eco Tools

Yesterday, I went off shopping with my friend and fellow blogger Kayliegh. We traipsed around Dundalks wonderful shopping centre "The Marshes" for a few hours, fawning over make-up in Boots and Penneys, clothes pretty much everywhere we turned, and The Kardashian Kollection handbags!! After my disastrous day, that was Thursday, a pick me up (and a chance to catch up) was just what the doctor ordered! 

One of the things I picked up was the Eco Tools Starter Set. This is €19.99 in Boots! The pair of us kept going back to the brushes, and in the end I said "I'll get one and you get one!!". So we did. Like true money-savvy types, the little bottles of scented things, the mini's of Soap And Glory and the bottles of anti-spot lotion were put back onto shelves and we just went for the brushes! 

Brushes are an investment. I kept thinking to myself, that if I bought good brushes I'd be set for years to come. Which is true. I hope. 

The Eco Tools Six-Piece Starter Set (pictured, right) was a great investment. As soon as I got home, I whipped open the bag, snapped a few pics and then I got into the good bit: testing them out. 

Why Should I Buy Them??

Look at them and tell me you're not drooling over them! They are cruelty-free, soft as a baby bunny and made from recycled and sustainable stuff! If that's not a great reason to buy them, then I don't know what is! Vegan people would love them!!!

The Brushes, Themselves

I must repeat, these are some of the softest brushes I've ever known! The blush brush is just a complete treat for the cheeks. Beyond soft and definitely a worthwhile purchase, even on its own. 

As well as a Blush brush, you get the following:

-A lash and brow groomer

-A concealer brush

-A flat eyeshadow brush 

-An angled eyeliner brush

And a detailer/lip brush.

This set is also packaged in a wonderful pouch with two pockets, one with a zipper, the other with a button-down flap! I can definitely see myself getting use from it, it's pretty slim and handy to have.

What I Think So Far:

I love them already. 

I played around with them last night and I am delighted with them! €20 for such a good quality, ethical product that makes you feel good inside, and look good outside?? Yes, please! 

I will definitely be going out and getting the flat-top kabuki brush, as well as the limited edition minis!! 

All in all, I bought these in a whim, though I had a well informed opinion from what Kayliegh had told me about them in the past!! 

I would recommend these to anyone, whether your starting out or whether you need to replace old brushes. This set would be great for newbies and seasoned veterans of makeup, alike! 

What do you think? Would you like to try these brushes? Have you ever tried these in the past?? Would you like me to review my Real Techniques brushes soon??

Drop me a line and let me know!!

Amy

xo