Realisation - An Open Letter

_______,

Today I realised something, and I knew it would be only right to address you as the realisation sunk in. 

Thinking your okay does not always mean you are. Up until Sunday, I thought panic attacks would never re-enter my life. I thought that by warning you of their possible cropping up, that it would render them powerless to appear in my daily life. 

Oh, how wrong I was. I told you that I had a diagnosed panic disorder, personality disorder and anxiety, with depressive tendencies. You laughed, acknowledged it, and I thought that by being open it would be okay. No such luck. Sunday morning brought with it eye bags, unease, a tight chest and ultimately a panic attack. I was terrified you would hold it against me. You said you were worried about me. Not to me, I must admit, but I have connections. I thought it would be okay and yet by Monday we had parted ways and your announcement led me to a panic so awful that it took medication and almost 2 hours to overcome. So thanks for that. I haven't been medicated in 18 months. I haven't ever had physical symptoms accompany the mental terror that I know to be a panic. Up until Sunday I knew that a panic attack is a physiological reaction to a situation wherein the sufferer is feeling life threatening danger. It is a mental thing. I know I'm safe when it happens. I didn't know that I would wind up in the back room of my chemists being medicated in an emergency situation. 

But I digress. 

Today I realised that I was not okay then, and I suppose I'm not okay now. But I know that now and I suppose it was because of you that realisation occurred to me. 

So thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect and from here, rebuild. 

I guess you did me a favour. 

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Guess Who's Back, Back, Back, Back Again?

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Hi all! I’m finally back, after a long absence. Being broke is no fun and its only recently I’ve been in a position to get myself a new laptop in order to blog. Being confined to my phone has been absolutely no fun at all. Anyway, I’m back now and I’m better than ever!

So with that in mind, keep your eye out for new entries on this blog!

Love y’all!

Amy

xo

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